dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
