It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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