Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
