hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize