What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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