i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
