so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
