epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
