Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
