how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's blow job season.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
