Who wears a wallet chain?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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