And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize