The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
God, I missed his penis.
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