You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
