I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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