After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
