Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
