Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
