god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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