last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We have started to decorate penises.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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