The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
