the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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