I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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