to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
