if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
