I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
