I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
