The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
