She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
