I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
