dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
