I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
