NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
