O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
