Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
