they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
