I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I just sharted jello shots
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