i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
