Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
