So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
