No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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