so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
