when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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