Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
