Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
