I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
