She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
