It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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