i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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