You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize