I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
