Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
