I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
