once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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