Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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