Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
