Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
