Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
