I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
