we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
