Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize