I'm gonna have a badass scar
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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