i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
