Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
