My nipple is on Facebook.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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