sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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