The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Boobs are out for the taking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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