So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
