So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
