Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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