You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
