I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
