38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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